Examples of Stupid Bear Mail

As I wrote on the links page, lots of users on bearcave.org get their domain names wrong. They apparently post web pages on bearcave.org with their pictures, and probably their dick size (no claims that "size doesn't matter" there), but they don't get their e-mail addresses right. So the e-mail comes to me. A similar problem exists with those who correspond with them. Here is just a small selection of some of the e-mail I get from clueless "bears" looking for sex (and in a few cases, love). As I wrote on the link page, being gay does not mean acting like a horny teenager is cool. Its immature in teenagers and its immature for men, whatever their sexual preference is.

My policy now is to post some of the email, with the names of the guilty removed. I don't forward it. I don't want to "out" anyone who is not already "out". Think of this as "found art".

When I have pointed out to a few of these "bears" that they got their e-mail addresses wrong they have suggested that I somehow stole the e-mail. As I said, clueless people.


I have implemented a UNIX shell spam filter which also filters out the misdirected "bear" e-mail. It goes into a junk e-mail box and is discarded. So there will be no more additions to this Web page. The mail is junked before I see anything but the header.

Date: Fri, 21 Jan 2000 21:42:13 PST

Lacurtis, your page is way cool. I am a very oral bottom. 42 yo wm, 6' 220, lt brown/hazel, stache and goatee. Interested in playing if you are. pics for trade...safe or sane your swap tells me which you would prefer. (Pasadena area, work glendale if that helps).

Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2000 03:57:00 EST
Subject: The All American Dick!

Hey, BearCub, thanks for your response to me dick-size poll. I'm not skinny and some guys think of me as hairy, but I doubt that I'm enough of what you want to cause you that chemical charge what helps a lot when sucking a dick or getting sucked. But I'm sending my pic; you send your, please, and maybe it'll be a perfect match. Let's give it a try.

Date: Sat, 22 Jan 2000 13:27:18 EST

Hello Im sending you my pic on a separate email from home, Its the only pic I have but very recent. I would love to meet up sometime, I am off from work this Wed. and Thursday, maybe we can meet up then?

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2000 01:59:45 EST

call me sometime..256-555-7349 [phone number changed to protect the guilty]...write me back baby.. maybe we can hook up sometime.

Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2000 08:45:54 -0800

hello Tom I just wanted to drop you a line before I start my day. I just wanted to tell you the pleasant conversation we had last night was enjoyed very much by this old fag. Now that I am in my mid forties I regret not being able to have a young lover like you. But I would love to be friends and someday talk to you face to face. You are very cute and sound so sexy. Well take care and I hope you have a good day. Phone 740-555-3447 E-mail is xxx@msmisp.com or xxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com bear hugs and kisses

Editor's note:

The author of the web pages on bearcave.COM is approaching his mid-forties. Although I am more conscious of my age, especially since I work in the computer industry where there is age discrimination, I would hate to have to view myself as "old", as the note above does.

The attitude in some parts of the gay community that you are washed up if you are over forty and have nothing to offer (except money, perhaps) is really sad. I classify this as the teenage view of sex, that goes along with the constant cruising and unprotected sex. When ever this is criticized, as Michalangelo Signoreli has (see lgny.com, issue 159, May 25-June 7, 2001 for Signorile's editorial), the critic is labeled anti-gay or anti-sex. The truth is that this behavior is not attractive, regardless of your sexual orientation.

Those of us who are over forty have a lot to offer and the best people are all over thirty anyway. They are the ones with experience and some amount of wisdom. In the end, sex is all between the ears. So don't let the age bigots get you down!

Date: Tue, 02 May 2000 06:40:56 PDT

I wanted you to know I saw your picture and think you look great. I am 30, br hair, br eyes, 5 8", 165#'s, hairless chest. What I wouldn't give to trade you bodies for a day.

I have no idea what this next one says, if it's obscene or not. My Spanish is not very strong. Only the first part of the e-mail is copied here for our Spanish speaking readers. Once again all identifying information has been changed.

Postscript: One of the side effects of the cultural and technological imperialism of the United States is that even educated people are not forced to be fluent in a foreign language. Like many children of California I took Spanish, but my command of the language is pretty basic. I took French too, but my French is even worse. My ignorance of Spanish was pointed out when Urso BR wrote me to say:

Commenting on it, you say: "My Spanish is not very strong." Well, I believe it really isn't, because that message is NOT in Spanish: it's in Portuguese... (As you probably know, unlike other Latin American countries, we speak Portuguese in Brazil.) "NastyCub," my friend who was the author of the message, is a Brazilian from Rio de Janeiro who now lives in the U.S., and he apparently sent that message to a Brazilian mailing list for bears.

You can rest assured, though, that the message is not obscene.

In contrast to my meagre language skills, Urso BR is fluent in both English and Portuguese (and probably Spanish, since, if he will forgive me, it seems that the languages are pretty similar). He kindly provided a translation, but it reads as if one had entered the middle of a conversation. So I've omitted it.

From: NastyCUB1@xxxxx.com
Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 13:06:00 EDT
Subject: Voltando e Girth & Mirth

Oi, pessoal

Acho que essa discurssao esta sendo bem aproveitosa, e de uma certa forma serviu para mostrar que a ideia que nos fazemos do nosso movimento e de outros internacionais precisam ser amadurecidas.

Beto, no seu primeiro e-mail que gerou essa discursao, vc se expressou muito mal mesmo, porim eu entendo que no conteudo do que vc escreveu, ha um certo desejo que no fundo todos nos temos. E o desejo de ver os nossos encontros se realizando da mesma forma como alguns " encontros" ( sei que podemos chamar de encontros um conjunto de atividades que duram as vezes 5 dias) americanos, com farta presensa de ursos e ursoes fazendo a linha " bearish " ( peludos e barbudos, ou quase isso ), igual como vemos nas revistas e nos sites da Internet.

Date: Thurs, 6 July 2000

I like to come into Bearcave!, this is a short bio of me. Well im Frans from Hamburg/Germany im 41/180/74. My sexual preference are FF/DD Hairy Bears/Leathermen, into Fist/Dildo I like to have an men sit on my fist and another fist me!. Im active/passive the only thing I am not into is shit and pain> I will try anything else, and I do mean Anything.

Frans may not be into pain, but the editors here at bearcave.COM think that Frans needs a good hard bare bottom spanking for not being more careful with the e-mail address he uses for his notes. Another example of how one should be careful with what is sent in e-mail.

Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 19:54:50 +0100
From: John
Subject: Wrestling

Dear Friend,

Having just chatted with you. Now let me tell/remind you more about myself.

I'm 5'-7" tall and weigh 165 lbs. I live in Manchester - England but I have to stress that I travel frequently and especially to the United States, Pakistan, India, Canada, Mexico as well as many other places.

I have to stress that I am neither trained nor professional at Wrestling, I simply wrestle with friends or anyone who challenges me. The opponents that I am looking for should be aged under 30, under 205 lbs and who have either no training or experience to those who have wrestled this submission style before.

I really enjoy doing submission wrestling, that is the style where two guys wrestle or grapple to get each other in holds/moves so that their opponent can't escape or cannot take any further pain from the hold that is being applied. Usually I like to wrestle for an hours duration, the winner being the guy at the end of the duration who has gained the most submissions. My favourite submission holds are the Boston Crab and the Camel Clutch.

Well, now that you know what to expect are you still interested ?, do you accept my challenge ?, if so, please get back to me as soon as you can with your age, weight and height (if you've not already done so), let me know where you are, what is your favourite submission hold (if you know any). I'd also be interested to hear how many times you've wrestled this style, won and lost, any other 'grapples' you may have had, and anything else that you like to let me know.

Please fell free to ask as many questions as you wish, whatever they may be and I look forward to receiving your reply to xxxxx@barclays.net as soon as possible. We shall have to exchange photos of each other in our wrestling gear at some stage and I can do this either by email or regular mail can you ?. I can now be seen, if you have access to the Worldwide Web, at URL http://www.xxxxx.demon.co.uk/ where you can also get my full details.

That's all for now.


Date: Fri, 18 Aug 2000 03:36:34 EDT
Subject: gay man wanted!!!

hello there my name is edward and i am a curiouse gay boy that want's to suck and get fucked and thats about all i want im a 17,m, living in la puente i have darkbrown ahir brown eyes and im 5 something i wigh about 240lbs and will do anything e-male me sometime

From: "kxxx xxxxy" 
Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2001 08:39:15 -0500

My name is steve, i am 5'6"tall, 150lbs, brn/grn, goatee, masculine and VERY hairy! looking to make friends and do some playing with hot hairy guys....LIKE YOU!! into the outdoors, camping, hiking and horseback riding. would enjoy meeting and and maybe do some playing around....more of a bottom but very versitile and experimental!


X-Originating-IP: []
Date: Wed, 07 Feb 2001 17:01:56 -0000

I have seen a nude photo of you in bearporn.com & I was surprised. You are my dreammen It is a pity you are in USA & I am in Europe becasue I am sure we couil spend a very good time togheter playing and... Kisses & I am still dreaming with you

Editors note:

[If I had known that bearcave.com might be confused with sites like bearporn.com I might have thought twice before choosing the domain name. However, bearcave.com was registered in 1995, when the Internet and the Web were just starting to enter the popular culture. At that time most people had not heard of the Web and it could not be accessed from sites for the "unwashed masses" (and crusing bears), like AOL. I would, however, be willing to sell the bearcave.com domain name for a good solid six figure offer. Sadly Bears, both gay and straight, don't seem to have lots of money.]

Since the most of the misdirected crusing mail gets sent to the spam folder, I don't read it and have not added to this page in some time. But this one was just too priceless. It was someone whose e-mail address indicated that they might be a leather Bear (which I think is a great sort of bear to be). At first I wondered if being biost was like being a specist (someone whose biases are based on species). Then I realized that this is someone who spells even worse than I do (which is quite an accomplishment).

Back when good ol' Jesse Helms was around I used to get e-mail from his supporters outraged that I compared the great Helsman to Satan. Now it's outraged Bear mail. I guess I just can't win. Of course I have no idea what my correspondent found biased, unnecessary and full of BS.

X-Originating-IP: []
From: e-mail addressed omitted to protect the silly
Subject: your sight
Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2002 14:12:06 -0600

i find remarks in your sight to be biost and not nessasary and some things to right out be a bunch of BS.