A Garden of SPAM

I registered the bearcave.com domain in 1995. At that time Network Solutions, the company that had the government contract to manage domains, placed no restrictions on access to the whois database, which contains domain registrations. As soon as spammers arose like lampreys from the primordial slime of the Internet, they started to suck down the contents of the whois data base. The power of capitalism assured that these e-mail addresses would be widely distributed. Later web crawlers appeared which harvested e-mail addresses from web pages, like ticks sucking blood from a dog.

So, in short, I get lots of SPAM. Hundreds a day. I finally wrote a SPAM filter in C++ for my Linux shell account. This program is now in its third generation. I'm pretty happy with the result. It catches almost all the SPAM sent my direction. To keep down the amount of suspect email that I have to review, it throws away email with "base64" encoded data, which usually means viruses or obfuscated spammer material.

So rather than infuriating me, as it used to, I try to laugh about it. After all, there is no sense at being outraged at what you can't stop.

Many of the SPAMs I get are moronic get rich quick schemes, multi-level marketing scams or pyramid schemes. They are so stupid that they provide no amusement. However, every-once-in-a-while I get something amusing like the Nigerian Bank Scam.

This web page collects some of the SPAMs and random emails that I've found amusing, rather than moronic (and they are few and far between). SPAM, put out by parasites and lower level life forms grows like noxious weeds in a neglected garden. So here, for your amusement is A Garden of SPAM. It would be great if the spammer e-mail addresses and domains posted here ended up in the spammer data base.

I have included this particular spam at the top of my little spam garden because it is one of the most toxic weeds in the garden. I almost fell for this scam and was about to responded with an email. However, in the email no Web site is given, so I tried to connect to bethperry.com, only to get "connection refused" from several different hosts. Fortunately this prompted me to do a Google search on "bethperry.com". This lead me to Colin Roald Web page, which discusses bethperry.com and related sites (registered by the same people). There is an example of an email that is similar to the one I received.

Many people with web sites received similar email, so there is no question that this is spam. So far I have not seen anything that explains the objective of this spam. It seems probable that if you respond you get added to a spam list. Accoring to Inquisitor's web diary entry of April 8, 2004:

[...] the domain is registered to a guy called "Larry Fords" in Carson City, NV; Carson City is the home of Bill Waggoner, a ROKSO listed spammer who likes his aliases. The fact the domain appears, in fact, to be hosted in China could be another clue that this is "targeted" spam and not just some poor misguided soul.

The Google ranking appears to be more or less accurate (when I checked the page in question was ranked 12 on Google). Google provides an API to access the search engine. Apparently the spammer wrote software that extracts web page titles and then looks them up on Google and automatically sends out customized email. I nice software hack, even if it is in the service of evil. The number at the bottom (preceeded by RAC IM) appears to be a unique ID for the email. Perhaps this is used to automatically collate the replies.

Date: Wed, 14 Apr 2004 16:13:23 -0700
From: Beth Perry <beth@bethperry.com>
To: TheBearGod@bearcave.com (a fake email address)
Subject: bearcave.com ranked # 11 in Google for microsoft digital right management

I'm a web master, and I was just searching Google for microsoft digital right management. I found your domain, bearcave.com ranked 11, which is pretty cool.

My site is all about Computers - Security, too . Maybe we should link up? I wouldn't be stealing any of your sales, because all I do is write informational articles...not selling anything on my site at all. And most of my visitors write back to say that they love the fact that I only write good, quality info. As a matter of fact, I've got a pretty loyal following of people that come back over and over again (they use the site as a reference), so if you link to me, you should get some pretty good traffic from it -- which is always nice.

Anyway, let me know if you'd like to swap links. I've already linked to you, and will keep it up there for a few days until I hear back. Hope to hear from you soon!

Beth Perry RAC IM: 1109076.

From bounce@bounce1.etracks.com  Wed Oct 10 11:06:09 2001
From: "Miss Cleo" 
Subject: Ian, it's been too long
X-Accept-Language: en
MIME-Version: 1.0


Dear Ian,

We must speak with you. I don't usually take the time out to write a personal note, Ian, but your name was provided by someone you had recently spoken to. We believe your vibrations to be so strong that I've endorsed a free Tarot reading with one of our elite psychics! It's urgent, however, that you call immediately - I can only reserve this number for a limited time. Call toll-free 1-800-386-1293, now!

Ian, we sensed that your connection is likely to be unusually strong, especially in the very near future. It is vital that you call us right away to optimize the results of your reading. There's not much time! Call toll-free 1-800-386-1293 as soon as you receive this letter!

With love and prayers,

Miss Cleo

P.S. Please do not share this number with anyone - it is meant only for you, Ian. However, you must call soon - we can only reserve this number for a short time. Call toll-free 1-800-386-1293 right now!

Must be 18+. For entertainment purposes only.

This offer is brought to you by GroupLotto. If you do not wish to receive future promotions from GroupLotto, click the link to unsubscribe. http://www.etracks.com/r/r0.4?0gy9QIHYw74ABG0RUn2zXhHwKw3WN98qlrcz00

This spam is like some kind of wierd Cheech and Chong riff: "we sell to the hard core stoner market". Like wow man! And to think that people used to smoke banana peels when I was a kid. If only they had known about Kathmandu Temple Kiff. I have not included any contact address - I'm sure you can find these clowns via a Google search if you really must. But just remember, the US government has outlawed everything known to get you high but alcohol and prescription drugs, so its pretty unlikely that this stuff is both legal and "stokin'-tokin' potent" (where do they get these phrases?) Both the english and the biochemistry are amusing. A glycocide is something that has a sugar attached. I don't think that sugar bearing molecules have mind altering effects when smoked.

Subject: What Have You Been Smokin'?

Now Offering for your "Sensitive" Delight ... NEW & IMPROVED

*** KATHMANDU 2 ***

Thanks to recent dramatic advances in the laboratorial processes for the extraction of botanical/herbal alkaloids and glycocides, we are now able to offer what has already been the most incredibly potent marijuana/cannabis alternative available on the planet .... KATHMANDU TEMPLE KIFF!!! It is NEW, IMPROVED and 20 times more stokin'-tokin' potent in its formulation.

KATHMANDU 2 ... a viripotent cannabis alternative for blissful regressions of vexatious depressions...

Kathmandu Temple Kiff is a proprietary; Nepalese, sensitive, pipe-smoking/stoking substance. Kathmandu Temple Kiff is indeed the most substantial marijuana/cannabis alternative on the planet.

Absolutely Legal! Marvelously Potent!

Kathmandu Temple Kiff possesses all of the positive virtues fine ganja/cannabis without any of the negatives. An amalgamation of high concentrates of rare euphoric herbas, Kathmandu is offered in a solid jigget/bar format and is actually more UPLIFTING & POISED than cannabis / marijuana while rendering Euphoria, Happiness, Mood-Enhancement, Stress/Depression Relief and promoting contemplativeness, creativity, better sleep, lucid dreaming ... and enhancing the sexual experience!!!

Kathmandu Temple Kiff is simply the best and just a little pinch/snippet of the Kathmandu goes a long, "sensitive" way. Just 4 or 5 draws of the pipe ... (an herb pipe included with each package of Kathmandu Temple Kiff).

So power-smokin potent is our new formulation, that much to our delight and actually even to our amazement, we have even be able to establish a very happy clientele within the hard core stoner market.

And this stuff is not cheap...


One     .75 oz. jigget/bar          $65.00
One    2.0 oz. jigget/bar          $115.00

Spam form a Time Traveler

This section of the Spam Garden contains a historical list of spam sent out, its author claims, by a time traveler, or someone searching for alien technology. I've been wondering who this guy is and what his motivations are. At first I thought that the person was simply demented. Then I thought that they might be scammers trolling for people who had a tenuous grasp of reality, to take advantage of them. At least some of these questions are answered in Turn Back the Spam of Time by Brian McWilliam, Wired News, August 29, 2003. According to this article, this spammer is named Robert "Robby" Todino and he has sent out over 100 million e-mails. Apparently he is also behind spams advertising "free government grants" and "detective software". Mr. Todino has already signed a concent decree agreeing not to spam. I wonder if this is not all a way to lay the ground work for an insanity defence.

The first spam included below is the first I received. It is both amusing and sad, since the Mr. Todino seems to be a disturbed individual who actually believes that the severe problems in his life can be fixed by aliens and/or time travelers. Especially aliens from the planet Nefarious or Tralfamadore. Note that only "nice aliens" should respond. Mr. Todino obviously has problems and doesn't need brain sucking, anal probing, radio voice commanding, body snatching aliens to add to his difficulties.

Like many delusional people, Mr. Todino makes the egotistical assumption that aliens with awesome cosmic powers should help him fix his messed up life. Only a really, really nice alien would take on this case. What with neurtino bathing, I Love Lucy reruns, random human body cavity searches and messing around with the North American Missle Command (NORAD), most aliens have other forms of amusement.

The Mr. Todino has made one big mistake - aliens and time travelers don't like spam any more than Internet domain owners do. If I was an alien time traveler with awesome cosmic power (and who knows what lurks in The Bearcave), I'd send this spammer's ass to the planet Zorgon, where there is nothing but frozen tundra ruled by the carnavorous and sadistic Jumbug.

Time-Travel Spammer Strikes Back, by Brian McWilliams, Wired News, Nov. 1, 2003

According to this Wired News article it appears that Mr. Todino may be attacking those who refer to his spamming activities by forging their names and email addresses in massive spams. Of course it is also possible that someone has created an elaborate scam that makes it look like Todino is guilty. If Todino is the individual responsible (which does appear to be the case) he has moved from amusing to nasty.

A few notes

Tralfamadore is a planet from Kurt Vonnegut's books including Slaughterhouse Five and Sirens of Titan. Tralfamadorian aliens see in four dimensions (our three dimensions plus time).

When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in a bad condition in that particular moment, but that same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is 'So it goes'

I seem to recall the Kurt Vonnegut dined with Martha Stewart (when they were neighbors), so perhaps Vonnegut has been taken over by aliens. The Vonnegut I knew and admired in High School would never have dined with Her Marthaness.

Apparently Mr. Todino has been sending out the spam below for a while. The references to planets other than Valnator were added later. We know where he got Tralfamadore, but what's with the planet Nefarious (isn't that where Michael Jackson lives). In previous spams Mr. Todino stated that a woman "severely tamped" with his life. Well, a lot of us have ex-wives.

This spam is starting to pop up like some kind of demented Internet meme. Here is a one response from Eric Broder in Free Times, September 5, 2001.

Here is another response:

Did you ever want to

Travel physically back in time.

Rewind your life including your age.

And be able to actually *remember* what you know now, so you can prevent your life from being tampered with again after you go back"

Well, We at Valn INC. can help you.

For the small fee of 900 Flainian Pobble Beads, we can help you with our PPTDT (Paradox Prevention Time Dilation Technology). All this, and a money back guarantee!! We must be out of our minds. Contact us now

As this spam spreads and appears on more and more Web sites it will increase the chance of it being noticed by alien time travelers who will send the author to frozen Zorgon where he will be stripped naked and hunted like a fear crazed nadarmulch. Marg Bar Spammers!

X-Coding-System: undecided-unix
Mail-from: From xxxx@bluesky.com  Wed Nov 14 22:56:49 2001
From: xxxx@bluesky.com
Received: from james.com
Subject: Time travelers PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2001 02:51:06

From: xxxx@bluesky.com
Subject: Time travelers PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2001 02:51:06

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!

Also if you are from any of the following planets and can help me as mentioned please reply: Vadikar,Nefarious,Tralfamadore,Valnator,Travers,Edenad

I come to you for help, and need a way of doing this in the following way exactly in such a way that there will be little or no danger. I come to you in peace. Trust and honesty is an absolutely must!!

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed. I have suffered tremendously and am now dying! I need to be able to:

I am in great danger and need this immediately!

Only if you are a time traveler or nice alien and have this technology please send me a (separate) email to:



Apparently Mr. Todino has not been contacted by any time travelers or aliens disguised as humans, so he continues his search. This time, his instructions are more specific, he wants to have his consciousness transferred to his younger self (back in time).

Man, don't we all! This way I could avoid marrying my first wife. My father used to tell me that if he had his wisdom and my youth there would be no worlds he could not conquer. As I've gotten older I've come to understand what he meant. As with any time travel story, there is paradox. What little wisdom I've gained has come, in part, from experience. If my current consciousness were transferred back in time to my younger self, my life would take a different path and I would not have had the same experiences.

What exactly Mr. Todino means by "I'm dying" I don't know. We're all dying. Obviously expecting coherent thought from someone like this is absurd. Although we should pity him, it is hard to avoid finding him amusing as well.

Subject: Aliens or Time Travelers PLEASE HELP!
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 12:07:23

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human, I need your help! My entire life and health have been altered and messed with. I have suffered tremendously and am now dying! The type of time travel which I think is most suited to my situation is having my consciousness transferred to my younger self using either the carbon copy replica method, or brain snapshot device. Please explain your method and how safe it is. I am in great danger and need this immediately.

If you are in possession of the said technology please send a (SEPARATE) email to me at: IneedTimeTravel@aol.com

I have to confess that I sort of enjoy these spams. They get caught by my SPAM filter in C++ so they don't get in the way of serious e-mail. Any way, here is the latest. I've added HTML formatting for your enjoyment. This time Mr. Todino is looking for a "vortex". I see one of these in the sink every time I shave.

Date: Fri, 29 Mar 2002 01:35:27 +0000
Subject: Aliens or Time Travelers PLEASE HELP!
To: m@idiom.com

If you are a time traveler or alien disguised as human and or have the technology to travel physically through time I need your help!

My life has been severely tampered with and cursed!! I have suffered tremendously and am now dying!

I need to be able to:

I am in very great danger and need this immediately!

I need as close to temporal reversion as possible, as safely as possible. To be able to rewind the hands of time in such a way that the universe of now will cease to exist. I know that there are some very powerful people out there with alien or government equipment capable of doing just that.

I am aware of two types of time travel one in physical form and the other in energy form where a snapshot of your brain is taken using either the dimensional warp or an electronic device and then sends your consciousness back through time to part with your younger self. Please explain how safe and what your method involves.

I have a time machine now, but it has limited abilitys [sic] and is useless without a vortex.

If you can provide information on how to create vortex generator or where I can get some of the blue glowing moon crystals this would also be helpful. I am however concerned with the high level of radiation these crystals give off, if you could provide a shielding or other crystals which give off a north polarized vortex field just as strong or strong enough to make a watch stop this would be great.

Only if you have this technology and can help me exactly as mentioned please send me a (SEPARATE) email to: IneedTimeTravel@aol.com

Please do not reply if your an evil alien! Thanks

I love the twisted logic of these spams. I would know that I was an alien if I was not born on Earth (if I was an alien, but born on earth I'd be a naturalized Earthling). However, how would I know that I was an evil alien? As a meat eater I consume other mammals. If I were a brain sucking alien and I wanted to suck Mr. Todino's brain (such as it is) out through his eye sockets, I probably would not regard this as an evil act, since he would just be another meal. Nothing personal, y'know. Of course the brain suckee might understandably regard this as an evil act. Oh the problems with cultural relativism!

All this spam might attract the attention of the "aliens among us". With the end of the Reagan administration I thought that they might have gone back to what ever drab and boring place they came from (the American Enterprise Institute, perhaps). But with Shrub (that's Bush II), they're back! So maybe these aliens will get irritated at the constant stream of spam and abduct Mr. Todino. "It's the anal probe for you, son", says an alien who looks remarkably like Dick Cheney (who, like aliens, hangs out at undisclosed locations).

Sounds like a joke, hmmm. Well, what evidence do we have the Shrub is not some kind of pod person, an alien controlee? This would account for the lapses in speech, the smirks at inappropriate times, his goofy responses. At least with Clinton we knew that he was not controlled by aliens (well, then again, what about the claim that "Earth girls are easy"). And Bush II certainly seems to be here to destroy the Earth. I can't wait for Men In Black II so we can find out who the aliens really are!

I assume that this is the INeedTimeTravel guy. I mean who else would be spamming for time warping moon crystals.

Date: Tue, 11 Jun 2002
Subject: Blue or red moon crystals needed


If you are in possession of blue or red time warping moon crystals, I need some! Please make me an offer. Please send a (separate email) Email me at: dirtbikel12@aol.com

Here is another one from the guy who wants to "rewind" his life because he is so messed up (which we all now believe). I don't know if you need any sophistication to send out spam anymore. Perhaps you can simply buy a CD-ROM with the software needed to find open relays to send out your spew. But is is sort of odd that this guy has it together enough to plot a massive spam, while still being in the grips of these fantasies. We need an internet journalist to track this dufus down and interview him for our greater amusement.

Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2002 10:45:18 -0400
Subject: Time Travelers PLEASE HELP!!!


If you are a time traveler or alien and or in possession of government or alien technology I need your help! My entire life and health has been messed with by evil beings! If you have access to the carbon copy replica model #50 3000 series, the dimensional warp, temporal reversion or something similar please reply! I simply need the safest method of transferring my consciousness or returning to my younger self with my current mind/memory. I need an advanced time traveler to work with who can help me, I would prefer someone with access to teleportation as well as a variety different types of time travel. This is not a joke! I am serious! Please send a separate email to me at: Dragonball03@aol.com if you can help! Thanks

Date: Sun, 10 Nov 2002

If you are a Time Traveler I am going to need the following:

  1. A modified mind warping Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with memory adapter.

  2. Reliable carbon based, or silicon based time transducing capacitor.

I need a reliable source!! Please only reply if you are reliable. Send a (SEPARATE) email to me at:Tomnwrr@aol.com

Somehow it makes sense that this nutcase has an AOL account.

Mr. Todino seems to have an alien hardware catalog, since he refers to product numbers (a Dimensional Warp Generator #52, a Carbon Copy Replica #50, Model 3000). I wonder how I can get on their mailing list. I want a diamond fibre spinner, Model #64 and a diamond sheet extruder #152. Then I'll build the Bear Products International orbital elevator.

Well... As it turns out someone who received this spam actually created an online "store" that stocked the Dimensional Warp Generator that the author claims to be searching for in the spam.

The Wired News article referenced above also notes that people have created eBay auctions for some of this imaginary hardware (Mind Warper Gen 4 Dimensional Warp Generator). The auction lists the location as S.F. East Bay. I currently work for the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. I'm sure that the Dimensional Warp Generator is from here. There's going to be hell to pay when the next audit finds it missing (LLNL prides itself on the careful accounting it does).

I notice that AOL has not canceled this clown's e-mail account yet (why am I not surprised?) Here are more requests from the alien hardware catalog. This time there are references to actual prices. I wonder if someone is selling this deluded person this stuff. Or if it is all a product of his imagination. Or perhaps the joke is on me. This stuff really exists and this guy is building a intra-stellar transporter.

Date: Mon, 16 Dec 2002 20:29:42 -0800 (PST)
From: jamie_44@earthlink.net ()
Subject: DWG #52 4350a mind warper needed! lLOWsaEUzpb
X-Accessio: 1 2738 0.00 


If you are a reliable supplier of the below equipment I am going to need the following:

While these time pieces normally go between $5,000-$7,000 a piece, I am having a hard time finding a reliable supplier.

Teleport to me within the next 48 earth hours and I will pay $40,000 2002 US cash. Please only reply if you are reliable. Send a (SEPARATE) email to me at: Tomnwrr@aol.com

And the search continues... Where does this guy get this stuff? An AMD Dimensional Warp Generator with 256 GB (gigabytes) of SRAM (presumably this would be static RAM). The pricing is wildly off, even if we ignore the bit about the Dimensional Warp Generator. The static RAM would cost more than $5,000.

Subject: Needed Equipment
Date: Fri, 16 May 03 17:22:33 GMT


We need a vendor who can offer immediate supply. I'm offering $5,000. US dollars just for referring a vender which is (Actually RELIABLE in providing the below equipment) Contact details of vendor required, including name and phone #. If they turn out to be reliable in supplying the below equipment I'll immediately pay you $5,000. We prefer to work with vendor in the Boston/New York area.

  1. The mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator # 52 4350a series wrist watch with z60 or better memory adapter. If in stock the AMD Dimensional Warp Generator module containing the GRC79 induction motor, two I80200 warp stabilizers, 256GB of SRAM, and two Analog Devices isolinear modules, This unit also has a menu driven GUI accessible on the front panel XID display. All in 1 units would be great if reliable models are available

  2. The special 23200 or Acme 5X24 series time transducing capacitor with built in temporal displacement. Needed with complete jumper/auxiliary system

  3. A reliable crystal Ionizor with unlimited memory backup.

If your vendor turns out to be reliable, I owe you $5,000.

Email his details to me at: powercrystals@unicum.de

From: ljqwgtd@deutschland.de
Subject: DWG Needed be
Date: Mon, 28 Jul 03 13:29:44 GMT


I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:
I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Please transport unit in either a large brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday July 28th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me.

Twenty-three inches in from the outside edge of the corner at the South West Corner of Cummings Ave. & Village Street in Woburn, Mass. is at Latitude 42.4845467 & Longitude -71.1576157 and the ground is 101.3' above sea level.


Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.

After unit has been sent please email me at: info@federalfundingprogram.com with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You

The registration contact address for the federalfundingprogram.com domain used in the e-mail address above is

   NR Data Corp
   Bill Jones   (alienman32@anonymous.to)
   FAX: +1.7819328769
   4 oak street
   woburn, MA 01801

The anonymous.to domain in the contact e-mail address is a free e-mail account on a domain that claims to offer anonymous e-mail (yahoo.com, hotmail.com etc... don't offer basicly the same service).

The saga of the trapped time traveler continues...


I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I truste= d a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 43= 50A watch unit, and they fled on me.

Since nobody in this timeline seems to be able to deliver what I need (safely here to me), I will have to build a simple time travel circuit to get where I need myself.

While it might be hard to find parts in this time to build anything decent, I need easy to follow schematics from the future to build one which is safe and accurate that will not disrupt the time space continuum with both forward and backward capability accounting for temporal location settings (X, Y, Z, n), which can be built out of (readily available) parts here in 2003.

Please email me any plans you have. I will pay good money for anything you send me I can use. Or if you have a dimensional warp generator available, and are 100% certain you have a (safe secure) means of delivering it to me please also reply with a secure way to contact you. Send a separate email to me at:


Do not reply back directly to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

Thank You
Brian Appel (whose real name is Robert Todino)

Apparently Robert Todino either got some effective medication or has been prevented from sending out more spam. In among the SPAM about virility drugs, low cost mortgages and get rich quick schemes there are still occasional amusing gems. I recently got a SPAM about that most shy of creatures, the Loch Ness Monster, who apparently has become less shy and started eating venison and the random Yoga instructor.

Date: Wed, 31 Aug 2005 00:08:20 +0500
From: "Reynaldo Henry" <davidblack@netster.com>

Recent Attack forces Highland Authorities to action.

Forensic experts examining the grisly remains of American tourist Tiani Brueggart have now concluded that the forty-one year old Yoga instructor and mother of two had been viciously attacked at her Invermoriston campsite last week by a massive amphibious predator possessing a thirty-eight inch bite span. Marine biologist Zachary Wallace agreed after identifying slide tracks of the animal he estimates at 55-feet long and weighing in excess of 8 tons! "The reality here is that this was not some legendary creature the Highlanders portend to be an extinct plesiosaur, but a very real deepwater predator. The drastic drop in salmon this season has caused this animal to alter its eating habits, and Mrs. Brueggart was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

The severity of the attack has shocked Loch Ness residents from Dores to Ft. Augustus, forcing the Highland Authority to act. Marine biologist David Caldwell and the Highland Council have now agreed to a plan that will finally track down and capture the "real" Loch Ness Monster. "Our first step is to set up a sonar array using buoys," states Caldwell. "While the array is being completed, the Army Corp. of Engineers will span Urquhart Bay with steel fencing anchored to the bottom. The idea is to create a natural habitat to pen the monster. Once the array is running, the bay will be baited and the creature lured and sealed inside. "

Critics have protested Caldwell's plan. States Zachary Wallace. "Caldwell's making the same mistakes all these so-called Nessie hunters make who rely on sonar. As we know from studies conducted with the Navy, active sonar (pinging) frightens marine animals while damaging their hearing and sense of navigation. Sonar buoys pinging in Loch Ness will simply scare this large predator into hiding. The same thing happened in Operation Deep Scan years ago. A dozen vessels pinging an underwater trowel becomes deafening."

"We've got to do something," says Calum Forest, the Invermoriston resident who witnessed the attack. "This animal was scary as all hell. Penning it is far more humane than killing it…assuming they can even find it to kill. It's expensive, but Council will recoup their losses with the expected increases in tourism."

This is not the first attempt to capture the monster, but Brueggart's death was the first attributed to this deepwater species since 565 AD. According to Dr. Caldwell, the makeshift pen should be ready to test by early October.

The spammer informs the reader that this is excerpted from "best-selling author" Steve Alten's latest thriller, The LOCH.

As further proof that Nessie exists, the SPAM closes with:

In March 2005 the first actual DNA evidence of the monster was made by two American college students who discovered a 4-inch barbed TOOTH embedded in the carcass of a half-eaten deer on Loch Ness! For actual photos and video footage go to (some web site with "real" Nessie photos).

The Internet allows scamsters to get a far broader audience than they could have without such a medium. There are the usual scams that invite the reader to enlarge their penis or their breasts or to become an millionair by the end of the year. But some scams are dangerous, selling bad "alternative" medicine schemes to the desperate. This is one of them. Of course none of this is new or even confined to 2nd world countries like Malaysia. Private "clinics" in Europe have offered wierd treatments for decades.

If you or anyone dear to you do suffer from diabetes then there is great news. The disease can now be treated with the purpose of achieving a cure. How? Through modern scientific processes based on alternative medicine. However, the treatment is provided in Malaysia, a South East Asian Nation.

If you do wish to have more details please reply to this mail with your name and address stating your desire to know more.

A large portion of the spam that gets filtered out by my spam filter involves "get rich quick" schemes. I've included this one in the spam garden because of its overt silliness.

This spam claims that Mr. Hansson (do they mean Hanson?) is willing to put up all the money and give me 50% of the profits, with no risk on my part. Mr. Hansson is from Seattle Washington, where Bill Gates lives. Wow! No wonder Mr. Hansson is rich. This amazing opportunity involves "deals" that "big business" is keeping secret. You know, big businesses like AT&T, Compaq, Polaroid, United Airlines, Pacific Gas and Electric, and USX (previously known as US Steel). These companies are rolling in so much cash from these "deals" that they don't know what to do with it. Wow! And Mr. Hansson is ready to let me in on the secret. Truly you can't find a deal like this anywhere else (unless its another scam like this one).

No doubt the prominent and wildly successful Mr. Hansson is letting me in on this amazing (and secret) offer because his heart wells up with springs of boundless goodness. Having become indescribably wealthy, Mr. Hansson desires nothing more than to make me wealthy was well. Wow! What a guy!

Of course there can be little doubt that Mr. Hansson requires some up-front money from those who, like me, are lucky enough to get spammed, I mean get in on, such a deal. What are a few dollars compared to this amazing opportunity! Wow!

From: the spammer haus at em5000.com
Subject: I went to bat for you...
Date: Tue, 18 Dec 2001 10:26:45 PST

In the last few weeks alone, over 1,000 people have taken advantage of an unprecedented opportunity exclusive to Your Daily Deal Elite members. We wanted to give the Your Daily Deal Elite members one more chance to get involved before Mr. Hansson went public and made this offer available to anyone. It took some begging, but thankfully he agreed to put off the public release for one more week.

If you're unfamiliar with what this is about, read on, it's incredible.

A very prominent and successful businessman out of Seattle, Washington by the name of Theodore Hansson has decided to split the profits with you 50-50 on very lucrative deals using a very simple technique that big business is trying to keep secret. Not only is it realistic to make up to $5,000 per deal, Mr. Hansson takes ALL the risk away from you by providing ALL the money needed for YOU to complete highly profitable deals.

Find out how you can get involved with Mr. Hansson by clicking the link below: Link to spammer scam site.

The scam web page is a long blather with lots of "testimonials" from people who have taken part in Mr. Hansson's secret scam, I mean, business. Here are a few quotes from the web page on a spammer site named youwinit.com:

Here's How It Works...

Every month, thousands of ordinary people all across the country are selling their properties and carrying the mortgage note themselves. This is called "a private loan" or "a seller financed loan".

The person that bought the sellers property is making monthly mortgage payments directly to the seller. But you can bet a lot of sellers would rather have a lump sum of cold hard cash now instead of trying to collect these monthly payments for years and years.

So here is where you and I come in and solve the problem for these sellers. I have access to money from investors that are looking to buy these deals. In other words, the sellers will get cash from the investor and the investor will take over collecting the monthly payments from the buyers. And you and I will split the finders fee 50-50 on each deal. Plus, I'll always let you decide the amount of the finders fee...


There Is One Small "Catch" To This Offer, However... It's small, but important. If you are at all interested... I suggest you let me know right away, because I only want to partner-up with a few of you.


[picture of what looks like a book titled How to Make a Fortune in Mortgage Paper! Make Big Money finding Mortgage Notes]

My complete, easy-to-understand manual is normally priced at $199.00 (and worth every penny), but for a limited time, - as a special first time Internet offer it is just $38.77. This special offer is not guaranteed for any amount of time, I will decide when to end the offer. I think you'll agree this is an incredible bargain, especially since this is a one-time fee, not a yearly charge. Plus, wait till you see all the incredible bonuses you'll get, easily worth at least $538.77

This unique course is a real-life, nuts and bolts, tried-and-true, step-by-step system that can make you money time and time again. - And you can start the day you receive it...

Wow! Worth at least $538.77 (where did this number come from?) Such a deal. Wow! So you run out, order the book (and such a deal). You read the book (Hansson mentions that you have to be able to read). You then tell him that "you're ready". But it seems likely that Mr. Hansson will be out of spaces at this time.

When leaving this site a page pops up and states that the reader can try out the book for seven days. Just give them a credit card number. Note that the web site states that they will end the offer at any time and that the price is not guaranteed. The price is normally $199. So it would not be surprising if anyone naive enough to give this site a credit card number finds unexpectedly large charges. There is a big market for credit card numbers in the former Soviet Union. If you give a credit card number to someone you don't know, it may find its way there.

Ok, ok, here's a good joke: a spammer selling anti-spam software. Not only is it a joke, but it's true. This reminds me of the 1950s scam where thugs would steal your car's hub caps and then sell you new ones to replace the ones that were stolen. Included below, for you amusement is a spam for anti-spam software. I've reformatted the HTML, but the original english is the same as the original, complete with errors. Of course I've changed the links to point to more appropriate places.

Anyone who would use spam to advertise their product is not to be trusted. So I would never do business with such "people". Also, spam software is not that difficult to implement. The C++ source code for a UNIX shell based spam filter can be downloaded free from bearcave.com. This spam filter has been in use for some time at bearcave.com and it caught this spam. This software would modified for a mail server or a Windoz system, but I've already done much of thye work. The web page that publishes this software also provides links to a number of other mail filters, including some which are much more sophisticated than mine.

As is frequently the case, the spammer denies that the spam is unsolicited e-mail by claiming that the recipient agreed to get the spammers spew. Yeah, as if we don't all get enough spam already. Spammers are liars and cheats and this is another spammer lie.

By the way, in the event that the spammer who sent this objects to being held up to richly deserved ridicule on this web page, let me note that this spam was received by a computer system in California, where spam of this kind is illegal. Any admission that they sent this spam is an admission of an illegal act.

And then there was the spam where the spammer included their true views of the people they send their spam to:

.......('(...Ž΄...Ž΄.... Ž―~/'...')
.........''...\.......... _.Ž·Ž΄

This spam included an almost unintelligable ad for some kind of "penis enlarement":

Women R :-( bout thR luvRz Pns size. U cn surely change dat nw
grO 3 inches plus withn wkz & it wont cost U an arm & leg. 
Specal 2day.

As the sophistication of the spam filters grows, spam becomes increasingly unreadable.

And then there is the wierd email...

I have published a fair amount of material on my web pages on digital signal processing and time series analysis. Some of this deals with basic Fourier analysis, but most of it discusses wavelet techniques. I'm happy that my material is starting to show up in Web searches. On the other hand, I'm starting to get crank e-mail like the one included below. It was sent to a number of other people as well. As far as I now, an inverted sine wave is a cosine wave. It's interesting that Tesla seems to fit into lots of crank theories. What is not generally know is that Tessla was one of the hidden grand masters of the Templar Order...

Subject: Inverted sine waves
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 01:41:54 +0100

Dear Sir,

I have come across a serious problem, that inverters are not what they might seem.

They evolve from inverter drive systems.. Which started life as a spinning magnet or disk.. Though to be low powered, sold as such for various applications.. The sine wave is thought to be just put into another phase.. Where`s the sine wave is inverted to create a carrier wave.. Those same frequencies can be used on a CD or microprocessor. In combination with a frequency modulator..

These systems are replacing gas turbine systems.. They are being run on a to smaller transformer. Which gives the machine the ability to generate its own electric.

This results in the system giving off signals which interfere with other computer run equipment. Viruses are caused. Also power surges back down the mains supply. I have found out these systems are too powerful to be earthed, filtered or shielded electrically.

The total output can`t be measured on a meter not with any great accuracy.. Any shielding just creates a long period vibration..

They are known to cause sick building syndrome..

Also they are now in computer power packs.. Where The Lancet a few months ago reported a child suffered nerve damage. From his computer console it was said to vibrate.

Electric trains in the UK have been interfering with track signals.. They are now not able to run at top speed out of London at peak period. They must of put a larger transformer on the system.

I have read the only way of working the energy out for these systems is by mathematics. I have asked a number of UK universities none seem to know..

There is some serious energy being given off by these systems.. Be they in C.D. format or the original magnet..

What energy that would normally be measured at high to midrange frequencies is pushed down in to very low frequency somewhere about 1Hz or 2 Hz..

There is a misunderstanding it takes a lot of input power, to create harmful levels of low frequencies, not with these machines. When the energy is converted straight into low frequency + the fact its run on a too smaller transformer also helps.

Can any one help with the mathematical formula? Its not the inverse square law . Tesla may have known about this as he used a low frequency system to beam electricity around without wire.


Carol R.

The discovery of the uncertainty principle in physics and chemistry is one of the great achievements of the century. Unfortunately, it has generated many pseudo ideas, which are rivaled only by the number of pseudo ideas generated by relativity, the other great discovery of this century.

Time Frequency Analysis by Leon Cohen, Prentice Hall, 1995, Chapter 3, Pg. 44

This guy in China, Gong BinXin, has been sending out spam for something like a year with his theory that Heisenberg was wrong in his uncertainty principle. I suppose that I've arrived in the scientific community, since I'm now on his spam list. Presumably by publishing his e-mail address below, the other spammers, who sweep the Web for e-mail addresses will pick up Mr. Gong's address and return the favor.

Some of the implications of quantum mechanics have always made me uncomfortable. Although quantum mechanics has held up very well experimentally, it is not an area I regard as intuitively correct. What is rather amusing about this spam is that it attacks a theory which does seem obviously correct. Leaving aside experimental evidence and mathematical proof, Heisenberg uncertainty simply makes sense. One way to state Heisenberg uncertainty, and the way I think about it when I'm not thinking about signal processing, is that you can know the position of a particle or its direction/velocity, but not both.

The only way that we can know anything about objects is by "illuminating" the object with either light or another particle (for example, an electron microscope uses electrons, rather than light) which refracts back to our detector (in the case of a light microscope, our eye). If the object we are trying to illuminate is very small, like another particle, we have to use light or a particle whose wavelength is near the size of the object we are trying to illuminate (I seem to recall that the wavelength must be no larger than twice the size of the object). Small wavelengths mean higher resolution, but also higher energy. So when we illuminate the object, we will also impart energy to it and the particle will go bouncing off in some unknown direction, at some unknown speed. With high energy illumination we can know exactly where the object was, but we can't know where it will be (it's new velocity and direction).

I've studied a little bit of quantum mechanics and I know that particles, like electrons, exist in a probability cloud, so I'm sure that the issue with Heisenberg uncertainty is more complicated than my simple outline. Of course sometimes things that we "know" are wrong and Mr. Gong claims that this is the case with Uncertainty. So here is Mr. Gong's argument, which seems to be based on Heisenberg's original paper and ignores later proofs. I've added HTML formatting and nothing else. It is a waste of time to catagorically go through crank work and prove it wrong (especially for someone like me, who never got anything more than a C in physics). Cranks are very egotistical, so even the world wide publication of such error is not likely to embarass Mr. Gong, but it will probably assure that he has little in the way of a scientific or engineering career in the future. This seems like a fitting punishment for a spammer.

Afterward: As it turns out a Google search for "Gong BingXin" shows that he has achieved a certain Internet fame with his incessant spamming of the Internet with his half-baked theories. So far, no Nobel prize however.

Subject: uncertainty principle is untenable
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 2003 20:57:04 +0800

please reply to hdgbyi@public.guangzhou.gd.cn
thank you.


By re-analysing Heisenberg's Gamma-Ray Microscope experiment and the ideal experiment from which the uncertainty principle is derived, it is actually found that the uncertainty principle can not be obtained from them. It is therefore found to be untenable.

Key words:
uncertainty principle; Heisenberg's Gamma-Ray Microscope experiment; ideal experiment

Ideal Experiment 1

Heisenberg's Gamma-Ray Microscope Experiment

A free electron sits directly beneath the center of the microscope's lens (please see AIP page http://www.aip.org/history/heisenberg/p08b.htm or diagram below) . The circular lens forms a cone of angle 2A from the electron. The electron is then illuminated from the left by gamma rays--high energy light which has the shortest wavelength. These yield the highest resolution, for according to a principle of wave optics, the microscope can resolve (that is, "see" or distinguish) objects to a size of dx, which is related to and to the wavelength L of the gamma ray, by the expression:

dx = L/(2sinA) (1) 

However, in quantum mechanics, where a light wave can act like a particle, a gamma ray striking an electron gives it a kick. At the moment the light is diffracted by the electron into the microscope lens, the electron is thrust to the right. To be observed by the microscope, the gamma ray must be scattered into any angle within the cone of angle 2A. In quantum mechanics, the gamma ray carries momentum as if it were a particle. The total momentum p is related to the wavelength by the formula,

p = h / L, where h is Planck's constant. (2) 

In the extreme case of diffraction of the gamma ray to the right edge of the lens, the total momentum would be the sum of the electron's momentum P'x in the x direction and the gamma ray's momentum in the x direction:

P' x + (h sinA) / L', where L' is the wavelength of the deflected gamma ray. 

In the other extreme, the observed gamma ray recoils backward, just hitting the left edge of the lens. In this case, the total momentum in the x direction is:

P''x - (h sinA) / L''. 

The final x momentum in each case must equal the initial x momentum, since momentum is conserved. Therefore, the final x momenta are equal to each other:

P'x + (h sinA) / L' = P''x - (h sinA) / L'' (3) 

If A is small, then the wavelengths are approximately the same,

L' ~ L" ~ L. So we have 

P''x - P'x = dPx ~ 2h sinA / L (4) 

Since dx = L/(2 sinA), we obtain a reciprocal relationship between the minimum uncertainty in the measured position, dx, of the electron along the x axis and the uncertainty in its momentum, dPx, in the x direction:

dPx ~ h / dx or dPx dx ~ h. (5) 

For more than minimum uncertainty, the "greater than" sign may added.

Except for the factor of 4pi and an equal sign, this is Heisenberg's uncertainty relation for the simultaneous measurement of the position and momentum of an object.


To be seen by the microscope, the gamma ray must be scattered into any angle within the cone of angle 2A.

The microscope can resolve (that is, "see" or distinguish) objects to a size of dx, which is related to and to the wavelength L of the gamma ray, by the expression:

dx = L/(2sinA) (1) 

This is the resolving limit of the microscope and it is the uncertain quantity of the object's position. The microscope can not see the object whose size is smaller than its resolving limit, dx. Therefore, to be seen by the microscope, the size of the electron must be larger than or equal to the resolving limit.

But if the size of the electron is larger than or equal to the resolving limit dx, the electron will not be in the range dx. Therefore, dx can not be deemed to be the uncertain quantity of the electron's position which can be seen by the microscope, but deemed to be the uncertain quantity of the electron's position which can not be seen by the microscope. To repeat, dx is uncertainty in the electron's position which can not be seen by the microscope.

To be seen by the microscope, the gamma ray must be scattered into any angle within the cone of angle 2A, so we can measure the momentum of the electron.

dPx is the uncertainty in the electron's momentum which can be seen by microscope.

What relates to dx is the electron where the size is smaller than the resolving limit. When the electron is in the range dx, it can not be seen by the microscope, so its position is uncertain.

What relates to dPx is the electron where the size is larger than or equal to the resolving limit .The electron is not in the range dx, so it can be seen by the microscope and its position is certain.

Therefore, the electron which relates to dx and dPx respectively is not the same. What we can see is the electron where the size is larger than or equal to the resolving limit dx and has a certain position, dx = 0.

Quantum mechanics does not rely on the size of the object, but on Heisenberg's Gamma-Ray Microscope experiment. The use of the microscope must relate to the size of the object. The size of the object which can be seen by the microscope must be larger than or equal to the resolving limit dx of the microscope, thus the uncertain quantity of the electron's position does not exist. The gamma ray which is diffracted by the electron can be scattered into any angle within the cone of angle 2A, where we can measure the momentum of the electron.

What we can see is the electron which has a certain position, dx = 0, so that in no other position can we measure the momentum of the electron. In Quantum mechanics, the momentum of the electron can be measured accurately when we measure the momentum of the electron only, therefore, we have gained dPx = 0.


dPx dx =0. (6) 

Ideal experiment 2

Single Slit Diffraction Experiment

Suppose a particle moves in the Y direction originally and then passes a slit with width dx(Please see diagram below) . The uncertain quantity of the particle's position in the X direction is dx, and interference occurs at the back slit . According to Wave Optics , the angle where No.1 min of interference pattern is can be calculated by following formula:

sinA=L/2dx (1) 

and L=h/p where h is Planck's constant. (2) 

So the uncertainty principle can be obtained

dPx dx ~ h (5) 


According to Newton first law , if an external force in the X direction does not affect the particle, it will move in a uniform straight line, ( Motion State or Static State) , and the motion in the Y direction is unchanged .Therefore , we can learn its position in the slit from its starting point.

The particle can have a certain position in the slit and the uncertain quantity of the position is dx =0. According to Newton first law , if the external force at the X direction does not affect particle, and the original motion in the Y direction is not changed , the momentum of the particle int the X direction will be Px=0 and the uncertain quantity of the momentum will be dPx =0.

This gives:

dPx dx =0. (6) 

No experiment negates NEWTON FIRST LAW. Whether in quantum mechanics or classical mechanics, it applies to the microcosmic world and is of the form of the Energy-Momentum conservation laws. If an external force does not affect the particle and it does not remain static or in uniform motion, it has disobeyed the Energy-Momentum conservation laws. Under the above ideal experiment , it is considered that the width of the slit is the uncertain quantity of the particle's position. But there is certainly no reason for us to consider that the particle in the above experiment has an uncertain position, and no reason for us to consider that the slit's width is the uncertain quantity of the particle. Therefore, the uncertainty principle,

dPx dx ~ h (5) 

which is derived from the above experiment is unreasonable.


From the above re-analysis , it is realized that the ideal experiment demonstration for the uncertainty principle is untenable. Therefore, the uncertainty principle is untenable.


  1. Max Jammer. (1974) The philosophy of quantum mechanics (John wiley & sons , Inc New York ) Page 65
  2. Ibid, Page 67
  3. http://www.aip.org/history/heisenberg/p08b.htm

Author : Gong BingXin
Postal address :
P.O.Box A111 YongFa XiaoQu XinHua HuaDu
GuangZhou 510800 P.R.China

E-mail: hdgbyi@public.guangzhou.gd.cn
Tel: 86---20---86856616

back to Miscellaneous Topics